... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
i've created a new STD.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
