We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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