Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Randomize
