My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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