if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
