curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
