he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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