So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
