I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
