I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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