Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Randomize
