I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
