508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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