I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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