Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
