I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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