so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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