Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
