She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
