Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
