"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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