I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
someone owes me an orgasm
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize