sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
