i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
