she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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