i permit you to call me
Yo dont text me then not text me
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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