And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
