Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
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