is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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