He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he laminated a picture of his dick.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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