I wannas sexs uuuuu
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
