I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
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