cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize