in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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