When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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