I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
