I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
