We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
