oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My bed smells like the plague
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
