I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize