She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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