and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
