Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
