I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
