Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
