I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
