return my video game
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I look better un-naked...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
