everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
