of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
