i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
