feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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