Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
