I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
