You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
