Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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