Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
