WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
