just tell him i said nine months
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dicks are not precious.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
