I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
FUCK WHALES
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