if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
