That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
