There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
