It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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