We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
