Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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