I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
