I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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