do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
