she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Is it penis luge time yet?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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