What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
