Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
try to milk me bitch
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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