In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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