No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Drake has all the answers
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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