also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Randomize
