Plan B is the new Plan A
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
where are you?
Hypothermia
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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