Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
