I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize