Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
His hands were made for my vagina.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
