just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
