Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
