I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
