Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
