We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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