hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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