Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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