You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
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