Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
