no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
