cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
