This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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