Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
