i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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