Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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