made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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