youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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