I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
