I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
