I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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