We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
