Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
