you would pick up someone in the library
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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