Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
