The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
it's great music for shaving your balls
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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