Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
