I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
