do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
